As I sit down to write this, on the train heading back from a WONDERFUL wedding at a gorgeous, idyllic place in the Lakes with a group of friends I adore, I feel truly content. It’s been well over 6 months since my last relationship ended. It feels funny writing that down. I now feel so far removed from how I felt then, alien to it, almost. Am I REALLY the same person who was crushed when the relationship ended back in October? Yes. Just new and improved, and most importantly, much happier.
I was so scared back then to write my thoughts and feelings into honest words. Once you’ve put something online you can’t really take it back. I’m so glad I did it though. Knowing that the blog has provided comfort to others who have recently had a break up makes it TOTALLY worth it.
The one thing that I really have learned from the whole experience is that the end of a relationship really isn’t as terrible as it may seem. We all experience it differently of course, but you have to ask yourself – is it REALLY worth holding on to something, that ultimately, isn’t making EITHER of you happy?
In a word, NO. If one of you is trying harder than the other to make it work and the relationship is STILL as dead as a Dodo, then stop trying. It’s not worth it. You deserve better. One of the most important elements to a successful relationship is mutual respect, and if your loved one isn’t showing you that by putting in the same amount of care as you, get out. If you don’t have that respect from the start, don’t waste your time.
Actually actioning the break up is often the hardest part, and it’s what we delay the most. It’s a combination of the fear of the unknown and what we already know. We already know it’s going to hurt, but then so does a plaster when you rip it off. And then you breathe, and let yourself heal. Then the unknown. How will you cope? What if you struggle? Am I going to be alone forever? SO MANY QUESTIONS, scant answers. Stop looking for them for a start. It won’t get you anywhere. With the unknown comes the freedom. The independence. Your confidence will return. You may even entertain the idea of, meeting someone new, and actually get excited about it! You CAN cope, you will COPE, and ultimately, you’ll FLOURISH.
The inspiration for the Break Up Rebrand was what I experienced post break up and the things I did to get over it. I made a list of the things that cheered me up, some of which were turned into entire blogs. I’m not claiming to be anyone other than a normal girl sharing her experiences with you, but hope that by sharing the list, it’ll give you an idea of the things that can help pick you up and put you back together again.
The Break Up Rebrand List
1) HAIR TO DYE FOR
Whilst you may not be able to control how long it takes for you to heal on the inside, you CAN enjoy sprucing up what’s on the outside, which will help in rebuilding your confidence and putting that gorgeous smile back on your face. And you’ll look totally fabulous.
2) PICK UP A PAINTBRUSH
I painted my chimney breast GOLD (and another wall purple…). This made me feel confident and capable. It felt therapeutic from the second I picked up the brush. When you see the finished result you’ll feel proud. It’s funny how far a pot of paint and a brush can go towards making you feel good. Copious bottles of red wine also help….
3) IT’S GOOD TO TALK
I see a counselor once a week for an hour, and she’s FANTASTIC. Of course you should talk to your family and friends and those who know you, but talking to a professional who is separate to your day to day life can also be invaluable. No-one will think you’re crazy for talking to one either. I feel better after each session, no matter what we talk about and I have no shame in telling anyone I see a counsellor. If anything, I’m proud of it.
4) THE CLASSIC HEARTBREAK DIET
It’s either one way or the other. I usually eat like a pig but I lost my appetite for a good few weeks and definitely lost a few pounds. All of which I’ve probably put back on. Dammit. Still, it felt good to wear those old Diesel jeans I’d had since Uni again. However, if you go the other way and eat ALL THE BISCUITS, sod it. Allow yourself to be indulgent. Chow down on that bag of Chicken Balls. Munch that Mac and Cheese.
5) EXERCISE – SWEATING IT OUT!
Exercise is SO good for you. Whether you use the gym, do a class or go for a run outside, the natural high you get post exercise is priceless. Also – keep it up, because when you see your body tighten up in all the right places, your confidence will skyrocket. And you can keep eating EVERYTHING. Winner.
6) SHOP UNTIL YOU DROP
A new wardrobe is incredibly therapeutic, and a break up is the perfect excuse! Just don’t look at your bank balance for a bit….that’s what the ‘emergency’ *cough cough * credit card is for anyway, right?
7) ONLINE DATING – THE APPS AND DOWNS
Ahhh. Tinder, Happn, Inner Circle, Bumble….the ever growing list of dating apps….
I joined ’em all. I never really took it seriously, rather I treated it as a fun distraction. Bask in the charms and superlikes, go on dates, laugh at the ‘intimate’ photos you may get sent (you know the ones….), block the weirdos, but most of all – ENJOY it! I gave it a go, had a bit of a giggle, then put it on the backburner. It’s a great confidence booster!
8) BE A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY!
Book up those weekends, see those mates whose friendships may have been neglected in recent times, say yes to the things you’d normally say no to, and just get out there! Sure, take time to reflect and have your sad moments. Seriously though, no-one ever got over a relationship just by sitting indoors in their manky PJ’s, bikini line growing as rapidly as a neglected Wisteria, stroking a Cat and listening to Celine Dion on repeat. If they did, they probably haven’t met anyone since…. Just sayin’.
9) CREATE YOUR OWN ‘ALTERNATIVE’ HEARTBREAK SONGS
These songs all remind me of certain times post break up. Some remind me of the moments I was sad, others remind me of just how free, happy and wonderful I felt once I’d got over it! Break the mold. Don’t just listen to morose, misery inducing songs. Chuck some upbeat, hopeful ones in there too!There’s not an Adele track in there FYI. Despite the fact she released ‘Hello’ a week after the break up. Cheers for that love 😉 Here’s my list –
Mumford & Sons – Tompkins Square Park
Joni Mitchell – River
Alabama Shakes – Heartbreaker
Whitesnake – Here I Go Again
Coldplay – Adventure of a Lifetime
The Weeknd – Can’t Feel My Face
Madonna – Til Death Do Us Part
Fleetwood Mac – Go Your Own Way
Grace Jones – Love Is The Drug
Coldplay – A Head Full of Dreams
10) DO SOMETHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO
Whether it’s a bungee jump, launching yourself out of a plane, climbing a mountain, or doing what I did and creating your own blog, DO IT. Put your mind to something. Make it happen. Don’t be shy. I even did a photoshoot to accompany the launch of the blog and posed in my bra and denim shirt. I felt like a friggin’ rockstar doing it too. BOOST THAT CONFIDENCE.
So, that’s that then. The Break Up Rebrand is DONE. For now. I’ll still be blogging, I’m just bringing this particular chapter to a natural end. However – I am working on something incredibly exciting related to it.
Thank you so much for reading!
PS: I meant to tell you…..I went and got myself a boyfriend….
PPS: Until next time…..