This is probably going to be the most honest blog I’ll ever write. Deep breaths, here we go….
At the end of my last blog, my ex had been over to collect the remainder of his things and having seen, and been impressed by my paint job on the flat, I sent him on his way and felt quite happy.
The next morning, I got up, determined to crack on with the day. Then – the post arrived.
Other than the usual junk etc, there was an official looking letter on my doormat. Upon opening it, I discovered it was in fact my Decree Nisi. In other words, the last step to finally being divorced from my arse of an ex husband.
Here’s a bit of history. Before I met the now ex boyfriend, I’d been separated for 3 years from my Husband. You may or may not already know that this was the man who sold story upon story to the papers about me, and deliberately set out to ruin my life and my reputation. We had reconciled a little while after our initial split, then a few months after that, the said stories ‘miraculously’ appeared in the press. Once I had solid proof just who was behind it all, there was an angry, expletive filled call from me and it was GAME. OVER.
I have always kept silent on the true events from that time, and always will. One word – MORALS. What’s private should remain private in my opinion.
The reason I’m telling you this is because what he did totally wrecked my confidence, trust and general outlook on life. I became a shell of the person I once was. At one point, I was having regular anxiety and panic attacks. It took 4 years just to have the confidence to file for divorce.
So, let’s couple that experience with the end of my first relationship since, and the next day my Divorce landing on the doorstep. That day, I was a wreck. The sadness from my recent split coupled with my hatred towards my ex Husband hit me like a high speed train.
I text our Producer and told him I wasn’t going to work that day. Couldn’t face it. The only person I wanted to see that day was my Therapist. I see her once a week, and that all started because of what the ex Husband did. She’s absolutely BRILLIANT. I recommend therapy to anyone.
That day, I spent an hour in her chair, just completely balling my eyes out. The poor woman must have excellent translation skills because I doubt I made any sense! She definitely did something right though, because I left that room feeling lighter on the mind, and happier in the heart. After a phone call from my boss, I DID go to work that day, and it was the best thing I could have done.
I guess the point of this particular blog is to say, you WILL have shit days, but no matter what, it DOES get better. You just have to focus on the positive, but above all, believe in yourself. Also – TALK to people. Whether it’s friends, family or a therapist. Speak up. Get it all out. You’ll be a much more sorted person for it, and ultimately, happier too.
I’m SO glad I went to work that day.
See you for the next instalment….the weird and wonderful world of DATING APPS.